Mindfulness at Work



It all started when I realised I was carrying so much suffering within myself, that I didn't know how to handle it or what to do with it.

Losing myself in consumption wasn't helping. No matter how many cigarettes I smoked, or glasses of wine I drank, or other toxic elements I indulged in, the suffering would not subside. If anything, it was getting progressively worse. My mind was fragmented, out of focus, dispersed; my body off-balance and my mood dark and foreboding. Now I could see how it was all spilling over, and everyone around me was suffering on my account too, not only because I could feel it (although I'd much rather have denied it) but also because it was being communicated, loud and clear, that whatever it was that I was up to - it was no good, and it wouldn't do for the job.

I knew they were right. The path I was on? Grief, pain, anger, sadness. No good. Wouldn't do at all. How could I be helpful when I was drowning in suffering myself?

I also knew I'd been luckier than most to have been offered a teaching position at 45, after a 4-year hiatus during which absolutely nothing had gone my way or any way that was beneficial in the long-term. As in - absolutely nothing. Everyone around me appeared to be looking out for themselves alone, there was no spirit of collaboration anywhere, what the - ? I was exhausted, confused and angry 馃槙馃槧, but most of all, my heart was not so much broken as smashed to smithereens 馃挃馃槶, and I had no firm ground to stand on, nothing to hold on to. I thought I would perish from heartache. In the words of Pema Chodron: "things had fallen apart".

So the day came when I had to sit down and take a good hard look at what was happening. Why had everything gone so wrong? Every which way had been explored, I'd tried that road and that one and that other one, I'd walked a thousand miles and a thousand more, and still there was nothing but pain and despair in sight.

And then - suddenly - those good old days in London came to mind, when I used to drive from Orpington to Croydon every Friday evening (a lovely drive, by the way, and one that I really enjoyed) to attend meditation classes, and I swear to you - you could've seen a light bulb flash and jump for joy above my head.

At that moment I got it. I understood and the cosmos reconstituted itself. That's all I needed to do. Just sit and calm myself down.

So sit I did, and just as night turns into day, something shifted immediately. There was the tiniest space between the pain and me. And with a little more practice it became something I could look at much more clearly. Now I could walk around it, reach out and touch it, find out what it was made of (without dying). I could step back, and then forward again. Suddenly the muscles around my eyes softened and I could smile the faintest of smiles, and before I knew it I was laughing out loud at the silliest of things.

People at the office noticed. I started getting smiles back. Oh, there you are! Hello! I could walk into a classroom feeling light-hearted and joyful, and just as the students had felt the unpleasantness of my despair, so they were receptive to this new sense of spaciousness, and more than willing to participate in the sharing of stories and ideas.

Next thing I know I'm sharing what little I've learnt with everyone who wants to practise. There was a session today and we spoke about the collective energy that's generated when a group of people (a sangha) practises together. A student said that at first, she felt self-conscious and it was awkward to be walking mindfully in an enclosed space, but after a little while she realised that we were all focusing and concentrated, and she was able to relax and feel a calmness, not only in herself but in the room.

馃挆馃檹馃槉

What about you? How do you take care of yourself and contribute to your own and to others' well-being?



Comments

  1. Unknown29 January 2017 at 13:33

    Thank you for sharing Tanya such a valuable personal experience ! As I understood it, you were suffering as most humans when you, after some concentration on your own life, remembered a happy time when you used to meditate and you started doing that again. By meditating you created a space between you and your suffering and after some practice you experienced a personal positive change that was not only perceived by you but also by people around you. That change in you was not related immediately to a group of people. At the end of your description you mention that there is a collective energy that is generated by the group. I suppose that that energy is used positively by every member of that group. I do not, however, relate the first part to the collective energy bit.
    Yesterday I planned to share here an experience that I do not fully understand and is perhaps not related to your first experience of mindfulness. I have created a space within me after some years of meditation but last Saturday I could not use it as I would have liked. My worried mind drove me to take action. After I solved the problem, I felt quiet again but what about the worried mind that I could not calm on the meditation cushion ? Do we sometimes need to take action ? Perhaps that is what Buddhists call "right action". If your body is bleeding you need to stop the bleeding.
    Thank you 馃槉

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Teacher Tanya Meyer29 January 2017 at 21:26

      Hi again Antonio, thanks so much for commenting, you're the only one who has so far, and I really appreciate it!
      Hadn't realised you speak English so fluently either.
      What an interesting observation you make about collective energy. This fact was never directly referred to in the group I practised with in London, but it was definitely something I felt and benefited from. The meditation technique was different but the practice itself similar in that there was a guided meditation first (sometimes preceded by walking meditation around the hall), then a tea break, mostly in silence though silence wasn't imposed and sometimes people spoke, but mainly we just smiled awkwardly at each other and enjoyed each other's company, without having a clue as to who we were. After that another meditation session, and then it was good-bye, see you next week.
      Of course, there's a lot I'm leaving out!
      The matter of collective energy was first brought to my attention by Thay in Plum Village many years later. No doubt I'll be writing more about this... :-)
      As for the experience you needed to act upon last Saturday,I'd say, in the words of the Dalai Lama, that praying alone is of almost no use. Action is definitely required. Thay also proposes Applied Buddhism. He says: "the first meaning of Engaged Buddhism is the kind of Buddhism that is present in every moment of our daily life. While you brush your teeth, Buddhism should be there. While you drive your car, Buddhism should be there. While you are walking in the supermarket, Buddhism should be there--so that you know what to buy and what not to buy! Also, Engaged Buddhism is the kind of wisdom that responds to anything that happens in the here and the now--global warming, climate change, the destruction of the ecosystem, the lack of communication, war, conflict, suicide, divorce. As a mindfulness practitioner, we have to be aware of what is going on in our body, our feelings, our emotions, and our environment. That is Engaged Buddhism. Engaged Buddhism is the kind of Buddhism that responds to what is happening in the here and the now."
      Thanks again for your support, Antonio!

      Delete
  2. Unknown29 January 2017 at 22:14

    Thank you again Tanya and yes 馃檵馃徏‍♂️ please share your ideas and experiences about collective energy when you have time.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts

La meditaci贸n - preguntas y respuestas

Image
La intenci贸n es que este blog sea el producto de una colaboraci贸n entre ustedes y yo – nosotros J - por lo que se me ocurren 5 preguntas que podr铆an surgir en relaci贸n a la pr谩ctica y a mi, la autora, las cuales tratar茅 de contestar lo mejor que pueda, pero adem谩s me encantar铆a que en los comentarios agregues tus preguntas, e igualmente, tratar茅 de contestarlas, y si quieres agregar algo o expresar alguna idea adicional, por favor hazlo: te escucho J ¿C贸mo funciona y para qu茅 sirve la meditaci贸n? Bueno, es importante aclarar que aunque hayan muchos beneficios, los practicantes no meditamos con ese fin, o sea que al sentarnos no hay una meta por alcanzar, sino que nos sentamos porque disfrutamos de hacerlo. Simple y sencillamente, meditamos porque nos gusta. Lo cual no significa que no resulten importantes beneficios . Al contrario, la pr谩ctica de la meditaci贸n es transformadora , y los cambios que produce son m煤ltiples y de gran profundidad - cient铆ficamente compr...
Read more

Happy New Year!

Image
Hello! Let's start by talking about intention first. Dawn is a great time to reflect upon and lay out one's intentions for the day, and what better time than the dawning of a brand New Year to set out one's intentions for the 12 months ahead. So what are my aspirations for 2017? Well - basically - more of the same, really - please 馃槉 By this I mean: 1) More teaching - not in quantity but in continuation. I love my job 馃挅 2) More practising - sitting, walking, eating - more integration of the practice into my life overall - P.S. more kindness 馃檹 2) More sharing - here I do mean quantity, hence this brand new blog. I want to share more about Mindfulness 馃挀馃挄馃挆馃挐 - in the classroom and in life. Hopefully, you'll be drawn to contribute with comments and ideas on how I can put this aspiration into action more effectively 馃槉 3) More cooking delicious, cruelty-free vegan food 馃槏 4) More cycling - healthy body, healthy mind 馃挌 5) More walking and ...
Read more

On Acceptance

Image
Remember Supernanny Jo Frost and her catchphrase, "that's unacceptable"? "Unacceptable behaviour" was one of the countless things I learnt about during the decade I lived in the UK back in the noughties. When it comes to adults, the matter of accountability for one's behaviour became a fundamental piece of understanding, as if my entire life up until then had transpired in an incongruent, incomplete jigsaw puzzle without any awareness of it, and I'd suddenly found sufficient pieces to make much more sense of the whole. There was such joy, such happiness in this understanding, such relief, in fact, because here, in Latin America in general and in Mexico in particular, those pieces are simply missing. There's no rule of law here. In these parts of the world, we still rely heavily on religion for the teaching and learning of moral and ethical conduct, and the government's function is... well... far removed from the question of justice . A c...
Read more